Dark Chocolate Raspberry Crunch

Recently, Costco started selling this amazing stuff they call Dark Chocolate Raspberry Chia Thins. Basically, it’s thin pieces of dark chocolate freeze dried raspberries and chia seeds. It is incredibly delicious.

The only problem is the chia seeds. You see, when chia seeds spend a little time in a wet environment, like your mouth, they become slimy. So although they add a delightful crunch while you’re eating the treat, an hour later, you’re picking little bits of snot out of your teeth.

This has a way of ruining the whole experience. I had been thinking about making my own with just the raspberries, but I really do like the crunch. I had thought about using chopped almonds, but that’s a different kind of crunch. Then, one morning I was sharing a poppy seed muffin with my mom and I finally had the answer. Poppy seeds could provide the crunchy texture without the subsequent slime problem.

Here’s what you’ll need: 

• Dark Chocolate (just over a pound)
• 1.2 ounces freeze dried raspberries
• 1 – 2 teaspoons poppy seeds 

For the chocolate, I absolutely love Trader Joe’s pound plus bars. I used the whole thing minus about 2 Tablespoons of shaved chocolate that wasn’t needed during tempering. And speaking of, the first thing you need to do is temper your chocolate. I have a whole post about how to do that here. Once you’ve done that, you should have something that looks like this.

I only used 1 teaspoon of poppy seeds, but if you want more crunch, it can certainly support 2.

Stir those in, and then it’s time for the raspberries. Once again, Trader Joes was where I got mine. They are a really good source for stuff like that.

Crush any of the whole berries inside the bag and remove the moisture thingy.

Then pour the raspberries into the chocolate.

Stir until everything is completely coated and evenly distributed.

Pour it only a parchment lined sheet pan (13x18 ish), scraping out every last drop, because trust me, you are not going to waste any of this.

Spread it until it’s about ¼ inch thick. It will probably just about fill the pan.

Now, as long as your house is not too warm, just walk away. If you’ve successfully tempered your chocolate, it will soon set and turn back into the consistency it was when you bought it.

Give it a few hours to let all those cocoa butter crystals finish doing their thing, and then just break it apart. I got my hands nice and cold under the tap and then dried them thoroughly and snapped the chocolate into small pieces.

I just love the bright pops of red! Isn't it beautiful? Prepare to be blown away by how incredibly delicious it is, as well! Costco’s got nothin’ on me!

It’s possible I’ve started something dangerously addictive. I’ve thought of all sorts of things you could do this with. I might try a white chocolate and mixed berry one next. You could use any variety of chocoate, add chopped coconut chips, any kind of nut… I’m afraid the possibilities are endless! What kinds of things do you think would be yummy?

Mayhem: Now math-free!

NO. MORE. MATH.

Well, at least, no more calculus. Well, no more calculus that I have to do by hand with no reference material, and sometimes not even a calculator. From now on, it’s just the everyday calculus we all do in our heads without even realizing it. No, really, you do! Every time you…

For fuck’s sake.

NO.

MORE.

MATH.

What there will be more of though is every starving student’s favourite meal (and the only reason we join clubs that meet after class around dinner time):

PIZZA!

But, of course, since this is Mayhem, we’re not doing the usual. Well, not yet. We just have to start off weird here because, well, that’s what we are.

Biscuits and Gravy, Pizza Style

Yup, I’m serious. Biscuits and gravy in a pizza.

I had no plans to do this wacky (and omfg tasty) mashup, but then I saw Taneasha’s first post and dude, it was on. It was mother fucking on. (ha! I made it 160 words before a fuck. Go me!)

The crust is basically just half a biscuit recipe, with only 1 tsp of baking powder.

The Crust

• 1 c flour
• ½ tsp salt
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 2 tbsp butter, cold
• 6 tbsp milk (give or take)

Stir the flour, salt and baking powder together in a bowl.

Cut the butter into the flour (otherwise known as ‘mash it in with a fork’) until there are no more big chunks.

Gradually add the milk one tablespoon at a time, stirring as you go, until the crumbly mass starts to come together into something dough-like. If you need more than 6, keep going, but if 6 is too much, you can make it less sticky by adding a tablespoon of flour.

Dump it out onto the counter and press it into a ball, disc, thing.

Roll that out into an amoebic shape that is nothing at all like Taneasha’s fucking perfect, round circle of crust. Holy shit woman.

Poke it a bunch of times with a fork – really, it’s only fun for the first few times, but you’ll manage – then … dammit, oven’s not hot. Preheat the oven now while you cook the sausage. Totally planned it that way.

Sausage Gravy

• 2 big sausages, of whatever kind you like (mine are Andouille, made in store, and a bit spicy, but whatever kind you want or have will work)
• 1 tbsp bacon fat
• 2 tbsp flour
• Salt and pepper
• ½ tsp garlic powder
• 1.5 to 2 cups milk
• Fresh thyme leaves

Remove the sausage from the casings, crumble it, and fry it up over medium heat until it’s got yummy crispy little golden bits in it. I recommend doing this in a pan that is not non-stick. You want the stuff that’s stuck to the pan. It’s tasty, and it will come up off the bottom after a couple more steps.

Your oven should be hot by now, so pop in the biscuit crust and bake it at 425 F for exactly 4 minutes. Hey man, she did it first.

Once it’s done, take it out and let it hang out for a bit while you finish the gravy. Also, turn up the heat on the oven as high as it will go: mine went up to 525 F.

Remove the sausage from the pan, leaving as many of the drippings behind as possible. Reduce the heat to medium low, and since sausage never leaves enough drippings, add the bacon fat. Once it’s melted, stir in the flour, salt, pepper, and garlic powder. Whisk this around in the pan for a minute or so.

With a whisk in one hand and the milk in the other, slowly pour milk into the pan while you’re whisking. The brown bits from the bottom of the pan will be whisked in, and the gravy will immediately thicken. Just keep stirring. And keep slowly adding milk until you have a very thick gravy, almost custard or pudding consistency; this should take about 1 cup.  And then add the thyme leaves.

Blob a few tablespoons of gravy onto the crust, spread them around, all the way out to the edges. You should still have lots of gravy left in the pan. This is a good thing.

Toppings

• Crumbled sausage
• Crumbled bacon
• 1 to 1 ½ cups shredded cheese: cheddar or a cheddar – jack mixture
• Green onion
• Thyme leaves

Spread your sausage and bacon on top of the gravied crust, then top with cheese.

You can put the green onions and thyme on now if you’d like, but I left mine off so I’d have a bit of sharp fresh flavour on top of the creamy cheesey sausagey biscuitness.

Bake in the hottest oven possible until the cheese is melty and bubbly, and the edge of the crust is golden.

While it’s baking, pour the rest of the sausage into the gravy and gradually add the rest of the milk until you have a nice gravy consistency. This gravy, you can use for dipping your pizza into, or for spreading on top of the pizza.

Once it’s out, decorate it with the onion and thyme (if you haven’t already) and serve with gravy!

Holy crap.

Why didn’t I think of this sooner??

Oh, right. FUCKING MATH.