cookie d'oh!

It's round, pink, has a hole in the middle, and is covered with sprinkles.

Apparently to my coworkers, that means something dirty. And telling them it was Homer's doughnut didn't help.

A little while ago one of my coworkers offered to bring me some sprinkles that were taking up space in her cupboard.  I'm never one to turn down offers of ingredients, even sprinkles, so I accepted. I had no idea exactly how much space was being taken up by sprinkles. 

The next day I found one of those large "gallon" sized zip bags on my desk.

A large zip bag can hold a lot of sprinkles.

And since I was still kinda feeling like making other desserts into cookies, I decided to do doughnuts. Homer's doughnuts. Round, pink, with a hole in the middle, covered in sprinkles.

Also, it just so happens that "National Doughnut Day" just passed. Once again, we at Authors Kitchen are totally on top of all the important holidays.

Plain old sugar cookies are perfect for doing silly things to. (perv)

Sugar Cookies

What you need:

• 1 c butter
• 1 c sugar
• 2 tsp vanilla
• 2 eggs
• 2 tsp milk
• 3 c flour
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt

(this is a double batch which makes about 4 dozen cookies, and easily cut in half if you are looking to eat them all in one night)

What you gotta do:

In a large bowl, cream the room temperature butter with the sugar until it's all soft and fluffy. You'll start to lose the gritty feeling from the sugar if you do it long enough.

Add the eggs, vanilla, and milk.

Beat this again with your Popeye arms, or your fancy schmancy mixer that has its own speshul place on the counter, until it's shiney and kinda looks like cake frosting. (Really, it kinda is cake frosting).

Normally, I'd just dump the flour, baking powder and salt into the bowl and stir, but I had a minion with me, and so I employed him to sift the dry ingredients together in a small bowl.

I also had him crack the eggs into the creamed butter. No shells this time!

Add the sifted flour to the creamed butter and egg mixture in two batches.

After the second one, you'll have a soft, but not quite sticky dough. In order to handle it and roll it, you'll need to chill it a bit first.

Divide it in half, wrap it in plastic, and let is sit around in the fridge for at least half an hour. I don't like to leave dough in the fridge too long because it becomes too stiff to handle. It should be pliable, and not too cold to the touch.

Liberally flour your counter, your rolling pin, and the dough. At first, you're going to want to move it around and reflour everything regularly so it doesn't stick to the counter. If your dough is stuck to the counter, there will be no saving the shapes you cut, and you'll have to do it all over again.

Roll the dough to just under a quarter inch thick.

If you don't have cookie cutters, a wine glass works nicely to make round cookies.

I'd finally found a doughnut cutter so I cut doughnuts and holes. Either save up and reroll the holes to make more doughnuts, or bake them all separately so they don't get overdone.

You want the cookies to lose their gloss, and be just barely golden on the bottom.

7-8 minutes at 350 will do that. I know you already preheated your oven. You're smart like that. Just like me.

"I am so smart. S-M-R-T."

To make the pink glaze you need:

• Icing (powdered) sugar
• Milk
• Red Dye
• Some kind of flavourant (vanilla is best, but I'd managed to run out, so I used peppermint)

One of these days I'll actually measure how much icing sugar and milk I use to do this kind of thing. Really, just dump a bunch of sugar in a bowl. Add milk a tiny splash at a time, a few drops of flavourant, and keep stirring until you have something the consistency of really thick laundry detergent.

It should blob off the end of a spoon at first, but then turn into something ribbon like.

Two bloody drops was all I needed

to make Pepto-Bismol Pink!

Lay the cookies out on parchment paper as close together as you can. Dribble and blob the glaze all over the cookies. Then add sprinkles by the handful.

If you don't have a gallon of sprinkles, you might want to work on accuracy in your application. It also might help your cookies not look like they were made by a five year old.

I'm okay with my cookies looking like they were made by a five year old.

Let these set on the counter for about 20 minutes. The glaze will harden just enough that it holds onto the sprinkles and looks solid, but it will still be soft and gooey when you bite it.

 Did you know there was a National Doughnut Day??

Get Stuffed

They really are easy. There is absolutely nothing difficult about making stuffed shells.

For some reason, stuffed things are considered impressive. People find it amazing that you can put one thing inside another. This is a basic skill we learn as toddlers, people. You mastered this when you were 2. And so with this post I set out to prove to people that they really can put one thing inside another. There is absolutely nothing fancy about this dish. The ingredients are basic, as few as I could get away with, and the assembly takes little more skill than most kids have. Just don't burn yourself on the stove.

Stuffed Shells

What you need:

(as usual, I made as little as possible, but this is easily doubled)

• 1/2 box of large shell pasta
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 1 onion
• 4 cloves garlic
• 1/4 c fresh basil
• 1 large bunch (or bag if your grocery is out of bunches) of spinach
• 1 c ricotta cheese
• 2 eggs
• 1 large tin of tomato sauce (this is the unseasoned kind, really just finely crushed tomatos, so yes, you could use a tin of crushed instead)
• 1 tsp balsamic vinegar
• 1-1/2 c mozzarella cheese

What you gotta do:

Start a big pot of water boiling.

Dice the onion and mince the garlic.

Lay a bunch of basil leaves on top of each other, roll them up, and slice the roll. This is called "chiffonade" ing the basil.

I've done it before with spinach, and Taneasha showed you basil in her salad post. You should be a pro at this by now.

Heat 1 tbsp of olive oil in a large pan. Sautee half of the onion and half of the garlic and half of the basil in the oil until the onion is starting to look soft.

Dump in your spinach.

Cover it for a bit to get the bottom layer wilted, then do your best to flip the not-wilty leaves down to the bottom.

Eventually, it will all be wilty and you can put it into a bowl.

Your water should be boiling by now. Add shells to it; 18 or 20 should do. Stir them every couple minutes so they don't get stuck to the bottom, or to each other.

Heat the other tbsp of olive oil in the pan you just dumped the spinach out of. Add the other half of the onion and garlic, and sautee them for a few minutes before pouring in your tomato stuff (sauce or crushed).

Oh yeah, salt and pepper. I always seem to forget to mention them in the ingredients and the steps. Add a bit of salt and pepper.

Add the balsamic vinegar,

and then the other half of the basil.

Give that a good stir and turn the heat down as low as you can while still letting it simmer gently.

Now, back to the spinach.

Add the ricotta and the eggs to the bowl that has the spinach in it and mix it well.

Are your shells done? Good. Stir the sauce one more time, then drain the pasta. You're going to need to rinse the shells with cold water a few times so you can handle them.

Now, I'm making dinner for tonight and for next week, so I'm using 2 pans, but if you're planning on feeding more than 1 or 2 people at once, you might want to opt for one large pan. Cover the bottom with a bit of oil, then spoon in a bit of sauce.

Now for the easy part. Yes, I know, it's been horribly gruelling up to this point. Confusing, hard to follow, advanced techniques, and bizarre ingredients we've never seen before in our lives.

Okay, so back to being toddlers. Hold a shell in one hand, and with your other, spoon some of the spinach-ricotta mixture into the shell. Okay, wait, you might have missed that: one hand has a shell, the other hand has a spoon. Spoon stuff into the shell. Concentrate. You can do it. I know you can.

Yay!

Okay, one down, 19 to go....

It's not the tidiest process, no, but the finished product hides a lot of the mess.

Once you've got a pan full of stuffed shells, cover them with more sauce, then layer on your cheese.

You can grate yours if you'd like, but I find it easier to locate indivudual shells if they've each got a nice little strip of mozza on top of them.

Bake them at 350 (totally preheated your oven, I know you did) for about 20 minutes, or until the sauce is bubbly and the cheese is nice and melty.

If you split yours into two pans, cover the other one with foil and freeze it. Take it out of the freezer in the morning and let it thaw in the fridge while you go about your day. That one will need more like 30 minutes to get hot and bubbly since it's starting at fridge temp.

Now, these things look lovely in the pan, but plating them...

Not the prettiest presentation ever, but they taste damn good, they require a minimal number of easily acquired ingredients, and you can make the filling and the sauce in the time it takes to boil pasta.

And they come off as very impressive merely because you managed to fit one thing inside of another.

Add a bit of nice bread, a tumbler of wine, and someone wonderful to share it with, and you've got a fancy schmancy dinner.

What do you like to stuff?