Sweet Emotion

It's a new year and we're Back in the Saddle and I'm Livin' on the Edge with my crock pot.

For some reason I've had one line from an Aerosmith song popping into my head for the last week. One line. One. Over and over. At all times of the day for no reason. Strangely it's somewhat appropriate to this post. I mean caramelized onions are delciously sweet in a savoury way. And you'll be Cryin'. A lot.

But they're really easy to make. Especially in a crock pot. Really, it's the perfect way. Caramelized onions require long slow heat, no crisping, and butter. Lots of butter.

Crock Pot Caramelized Onions

• 8 smallish onions
• 6 - 8 tbsp butter

No More No More. I suppose you could add a bit of Uncle Salty, but the butter is salted, and that was enough for me to Draw the Line.

Okay, okay, I'll Stop Messin Around.

Slicing the onions is the only hard part. You're going to feel totally Crazy (sorry, had to) for slicing eight onions in a row, but it's totally worth it. There are a few little things that can make life a bit easier for the 15 minutes or so it takes.

First, don't cut the onion until you absolutely have to. Peel the outer layers off by hand under running water,

and dump them into a sink full of water.

There are sulphur compounds in onions that are extreme eye irritants, but diluting them with water will minimize the effect. (Seriously, do you have any idea how many Aerosmith songs are about crying?)

Once the onion is peeled, slice a small amount off the side to make a flat side for it to sit on. You'll do less actual slicing of the onion this way than you will if you cut it in half first.

When you start slicing, toss the end in the water filled sink with the peels.

And use a wet paper towel to wipe off the knife and to cover the slices while you do other things. 

Like drop in small blobs of butter between each onion layer.

One onion, one tablespoon of butter.

Pack as many layers into the pot as you can

because the onions will reduce in volume dramatically.

If you set the heat to low, they'll need about 18 hours to get that lovely dark mohogany colour.

If you're impatient, you can use high heat and they'll only take 12. Yes, it sounds like a long time, but you get to ignore them entirely while they're in there. If you do these on the stove, you're looking at 45 to 60 minutes of standing and staring at a pan. I will happily ignore most things for 12 hours.

I imagine you're wondering why the hell I'd make a whole crock pot full of caramelized onions...

Well, for one thing, they take 12 to 18 hours to cook, and starting dinner that far in advance? Fucking hilarious. I'm lucky if I can plan dinner that far ahead.

Besides, they freeze beautifully.

And then you can have them on a steak, or as a starter for some kind of fabulous sauce, or for French onion soup on a whim.

Or, you could eat them with a spoon. They really are that good.

What's the craziest thing you've made in your crock pot?

DIY, the not so extreme version

Indoor gardening is still gardening.

At the grocery store last week, I mentioned to the cashier that I wanted to plant the "live" basil I was buying. I mean, it came with roots, and in a cute little bag full of nutrient water, and looked perfectly plantable. At first she looked at me like I was nuts, and then like I was some kind of freaky genius. Because if I plant it, it will keep growing and I can keep harvesting it.

Freaking genius!

You could do the same with those "live" lettuce heads you see sometimes.

I've heard of people sprouting avocado pits and planting them too.

And if you get herbs that were cut right, you can sprout them too.

Yes, I know, I could just go to the garden store and buy seedlings, but it's more fun this way. There's a certain amount of challenge, a bit of suspense, that point of frustration where you're sure it won't work and so you stop checking it and stop adding fresh water...

And then you realize there are roots on your lemongrass stumps.

And in a couple days there are lots of them.

Lemongrass is extremely easy to root, and fairly fast growing. If you're going to put it in planters outside, make sure you are able to move them. This is a tropical grass and it doesn't like any kind of cold at all. You'll have to bring it inside in the winter.

Or just harvest it all and start again in the spring.

It's not like this is difficult.

If you're going to keep it indoors year round, choose a bright and sunny spot, as full sun as you can get.

I used a regular organic houseplant medium. i.e. Potting soil.

And potted it like a typical houseplant.

In a nice pot, it would make a lovely hostess gift or housewarming present. Include a recipe for Beef Chow Fun, or Thai Green Curry.

And you can always start another batch for yourself.

Have you ever sprouted something weird? (Your kids don't count)