Sweet Emotion

It's a new year and we're Back in the Saddle and I'm Livin' on the Edge with my crock pot.

For some reason I've had one line from an Aerosmith song popping into my head for the last week. One line. One. Over and over. At all times of the day for no reason. Strangely it's somewhat appropriate to this post. I mean caramelized onions are delciously sweet in a savoury way. And you'll be Cryin'. A lot.

But they're really easy to make. Especially in a crock pot. Really, it's the perfect way. Caramelized onions require long slow heat, no crisping, and butter. Lots of butter.

Crock Pot Caramelized Onions

• 8 smallish onions
• 6 - 8 tbsp butter

No More No More. I suppose you could add a bit of Uncle Salty, but the butter is salted, and that was enough for me to Draw the Line.

Okay, okay, I'll Stop Messin Around.

Slicing the onions is the only hard part. You're going to feel totally Crazy (sorry, had to) for slicing eight onions in a row, but it's totally worth it. There are a few little things that can make life a bit easier for the 15 minutes or so it takes.

First, don't cut the onion until you absolutely have to. Peel the outer layers off by hand under running water,

and dump them into a sink full of water.

There are sulphur compounds in onions that are extreme eye irritants, but diluting them with water will minimize the effect. (Seriously, do you have any idea how many Aerosmith songs are about crying?)

Once the onion is peeled, slice a small amount off the side to make a flat side for it to sit on. You'll do less actual slicing of the onion this way than you will if you cut it in half first.

When you start slicing, toss the end in the water filled sink with the peels.

And use a wet paper towel to wipe off the knife and to cover the slices while you do other things. 

Like drop in small blobs of butter between each onion layer.

One onion, one tablespoon of butter.

Pack as many layers into the pot as you can

because the onions will reduce in volume dramatically.

If you set the heat to low, they'll need about 18 hours to get that lovely dark mohogany colour.

If you're impatient, you can use high heat and they'll only take 12. Yes, it sounds like a long time, but you get to ignore them entirely while they're in there. If you do these on the stove, you're looking at 45 to 60 minutes of standing and staring at a pan. I will happily ignore most things for 12 hours.

I imagine you're wondering why the hell I'd make a whole crock pot full of caramelized onions...

Well, for one thing, they take 12 to 18 hours to cook, and starting dinner that far in advance? Fucking hilarious. I'm lucky if I can plan dinner that far ahead.

Besides, they freeze beautifully.

And then you can have them on a steak, or as a starter for some kind of fabulous sauce, or for French onion soup on a whim.

Or, you could eat them with a spoon. They really are that good.

What's the craziest thing you've made in your crock pot?

rats

I've loved ratatouille ever since I read "The Princess and the Zucchini."

And no it was not erotica.

It's a short story from an anthology that was published in the early 80s by the University of BC press, and it's not your typical fairy tale. The princess does not kiss her frog (zucchini) and live happily ever after; instead, she makes dinner for the family.

Ratatouille.

And though eggplant is often seen as the primary ingredient in this provencal vegetable stew, you just can't make it without the zucchini.

Ratatouille

What you need:

• 1 large eggplant
• 2 zucchini
• 1/2 onion
• 1 red bell pepper
• 9 or 10 small tomatoes
• 8 cloves of garlic
• olive oil
• balsamic vinegar
• basil
• thyme
• marjoram

What you gotta do:

I actually took more steps in this than are absolutely necessary. I was also apparently vibrating when I made this because nearly all of the pictures are blurred by movement. But, it's stew, it's not like I need to show detail.

Preheat the oven to 425.

Chop the eggplant, zucchini, onion, and pepper into fair sized chunks, about 1 inch cubed. You can peel the eggplant if you want, but it's not necessary. I partly peeled mine. The colour is nice to have, but I find the skins can be tough sometimes.

Put the veggies in a large baking dish along with 6 of the garlic cloves, whole, and drizzle a few table spoons of olive oil over them.

See what I mean? Fuzzy.

Toss the oil and veg together so that they're all just barely coated with the oil.

This is the only perfectly clear picture of the night.

Roast the veggies for at least 30 minutes, then take them out, stir them, and poke at them to see if they're done. They should be tender, on the way to being soft, but not mushy. They may need another 15 minutes in there. Mine did.

But that's okay, because it gives you time to make the sauce.

So, yes, you could just put the tomatoes and herbs in the baking dish and do it all in one pan. But you don't have quite as much control over the moisture level that way. And most of the moisture is going to come from the tomatoes. I wanted a very thick stew, not at all soupy, so I did my tomatoes on the stove top in a small pan.

First though, chop them into chunks about the size of the rest of the veggies and remove the seeds and pulp. That part alone gets rid of a fair amount of moisture.

Chop the garlic, and chiffonade the basil as well.

Heat a tablespoon of olive oil in a shallow pan. Drop in the tomatoes and garlic and let them cook for a few minutes. The pan should be hot enough that the tomatoes sizzle as soon as they're in, and they should stay bubbling the whole time. It won't take long for the tomatoes to lose their shape and turn into something resembling a thick sauce.

Once they have, add the herbs.

Three pictures of the damn sauce and this is the clearest one. I gave up.

Basil is apparently some kind of faux pas in ratatouille because it's considered too Italian for this French dish, which I totally don't understand because it is considered a "herbe de Provence" like the thyme and marjoram are. Lavender is too, and while I have some in the cupboard, I'm saving it for a fabulous dessert.

By the time the tomatoes have cooked down, the veggies should be done.

Pour the tomatoes over them, then add about a tablespoon of balsamic vinegar.

Okay, the blur in this one might be my fault, because I was pouring and picturing at the same time. But still! That's amazingly fuzzy, even for me.

Gently stir this all together. The veggies should be able to hold their shape as they're being coated by the tomatoes and vinegar.

I know, it seems a little odd to be pouring vinegar into a stew, but it gives the sweet veggies a bit of zing.

Serve with some crusty french bread, or some garlic toast with mozzarella.

If that's not too Italian for you. (seriously, where do people come up with this shit)

You can serve this with rice, or noodles, or as a side with chicken. Me, I'd rather eat it with a spoon. I also want to try putting it on the garlic bread and baking the mozzarella on top of it...