Walkin' holy

No, this is not about cowbell.

It's a silly way of saying guacamole.

I'm totally panicked and pressed for time here. You'd think that now that finals are over (omg breathe!) I'd be relaxed, but no. I've got a 2 week vacation coming up and I've gotta do laundry, buy hostess gifts, pack, clean my bathroom... Yes, I really do have to clean the bathroom, I haven't cleaned it in over a month because no housework is necessary when finals are approaching.

So, this week's post is actually only part of a post. I made a nice big TexMex feast way back in February when I had a house guest to cook with and for. It was awesome, but since I'm pressed for time, you're only getting part of it. I promise to post the rest ... eventually.

Guacomole

What you need:

• 2 avocados
• 1 jalapeno (pronounced jah-lap'-en-oh a la the Trailer Park Boys)
• 1 lime
• a handful of cilantro
• 1 clove of garlic
• salt

What you gotta do:

Finely mince the garlic and put it in a bowl.

Slice the jalapeno in half and remove the seeds and white membrane. Dice it into tiny bits and add it to the bowl.

Wash your hands. I'm freaking serious. Do it now. Don't wait until you're done preparing everything. One touch anywhere near your eyes, nose or mouth will leave you strangely tingly... on second thought, maybe that's your kind of thing. Never mind.

Remove as much of the stem from your cilantro as you can be bothered with. Depends on the day for me; sometimes I pluck every single leaf and some days I just really don't care. Slice it up a bit, and add it to the bowl with the garlic and jalapeno.

Run your knife around the lower equatorial area of the avocado. I know some people do this longitudinally, but latitudinally works too.

Twist gently to get the two sides apart. One half will have a giant freaking seed in it. 

Carefully, whack the heel of your knife, not the tip, the heel, the part closest to the handle, into the seed until it's good and wedged in. Now twist the knife and lift gently. Seed pops out! Yay! But now you have to figure out how to get the seed off the blade without slicing yourself open. Good luck.

Slide a tablespoon in between the skin and the flesh of an avocado half, then run it all around the edges and lift. Voila, perfect.

Now, I know I say 2 avocados in the ingredients, but you keep seeing 3 in the pics. Well, that's because I'm in the frozen wasteland and fresh produce is iffy at best in the winter (I made this back in February remember) and it's pretty common to get avocados that look like this when you cut them open.

They are usually salvageable. You can easily remove them from their skin like the one above and then use the spoon to scrape away the bruised or way over ripe parts.

So, dump the equivalent of 2 avocados into the bowl with all the rest of the stuff.

Now, the lime. Really, this part is to taste. I love lime in my guac. Lots of it. Lots. Did I say lots? Because I meant lots. But, my co-cooker and dinner partner prefers it to be a little more subtle. Of course we had to compromise. Add about half a lime's worth of juice to start, and adjust it until you're happy. 

So, before you can check to see if there's enough lime, you'll need to mash. Consistency is up to you. I've seen people make guac with diced avocado and I've seen it done in a blender. I prefer it somewhere in the middle. Chunky enough that it has texture, but mashed enough that it'll stay in a clump on a chip.

Now, it's time to taste it.

Don't use a spoon. Use whatever vehicle you plan on using to eat the guac. Why? Because every chip brand has a different salt content. If you salt to taste from a spoon, it's going to seem way too salty when you eat it off a salted chip.

Add whatever salt you need, and whatever lime you want.

Now, you've got a handy snack, or part of a fancy TexMex dinner.

The rest of which I'll show you another time.

For now, just add tequila. Make it a double.

 

Leg humpingly good.

I first had hummus about 20 years ago when I'd dropped out of highschool for a year to work for Greenpeace. I was fundraising door to door, not riding Zodiacs out to whaling boats, so no, not exciting at all. But there was this great little Lebanese deli around the corner from the office and I could get a huge platter full of falafels, hummus and pita for less than 5 bucks.

Hummus is really just a bean dip. It's Mediterranean in origin, part of both Greek and various middle eastern cuisines, vegetarian (vegan even), and works as a dip for bread and veggies, or as a spread in a sandwich.

I loved the stuff. But I had no idea how to make it. And after I moved away from home I had to make do with a mix from the local whole foods store. Or from some other deli, but the texture was off, and the seasoning lacked. Nothing was as good as Cedars. I figured out the ingredients, and made it a few times myself, but it was never quite right. Something was always missing.

Until...

Him.

He promised it was tasty. He assured me it would be the best hummus I'd ever had. He said once I'd tasted it, no other hummus would ever satisfy.

I literally humped his leg the first time he put it in my mouth.

Holy crap. It's the best hummus I've ever had. Leg humpingly good hummus.

And he told me I can show it all to you.

;)

What you need:

1 19 oz tin of chick peas

3 cloves garlic

¼ c fresh, chopped parsley

½ tsp dried, ground cumin

½ tsp dried, ground coriander

¼ tsp cayenne

½ tsp salt

¼ c tahini**

3 tbsp lemon juice

½ c olive oil

**Usually found in the import or health food section of a grocery store, or at a Mediterranean or Middle Eastern market.

What you gotta do:

Drop the garlic into the food processor and give it a whirl for a few seconds to chop it up a bit. You could do this with a knife but you've already got the processor out so you may as well use it.

Drain the chick peas, don't bother rinsing them, and cover the garlic with them. Then add the parsley, cumin, coriander, cayenne and salt.

Top with tahini and lemon juice.

Start your engines! Whiz it until it's still a bit chunky. You'll know the texture is right because you'll have a dire need to add liquid to it. 

Scrape down the sides, and put the lid back on. Through the chute in the top, drizzle in the oil as the processor does it's thing. Basically, it's making an emulsion. The oil need to be whipped really fast into the lemon juice, and the tahini and speed are helping do that.

At this point you get to decide what kind of texture you want. The longer you run it, the smoother and creamier it will be.

Hummus is a regular part of a Mediterranean and Middle Eastern finger food meal called Mezze. It's usually served with tzaziki, stuffed grape leaves, meatballs, cheese, pickled veggies and pita breads. Any or all of these on a table makes a great meal or snack. (I really need servingware.)

It also works great as a veggie dip at parties, or, as an instant food to have in the fridge for when you get home from school or work starving.

Hm... There's an empty plate in that picture... what would you want on your Mezze platter to go with the Leg Humpingly Good Hummus?