Blazin' Buffalo Balls

Don’t worry, I’m not talking about Rocky Mountain Oysters, or anything quite that frightening.  Think Buffalo chicken wings in the form of little meatballs on toothpicks, dipped in spicy ranch dressing…  I know!  And yes, they really are as fabulous as they sound.  

Here’s what you’ll need:

For the ranch:

• ⅓ cup mayo
• ⅓ cup greek yogurt (or light sour cream)
• ⅓ cup buffalo wing sauce
• ½ teaspoon salt
• ½ teaspoon pepper
• ½ teaspoon dried parsley
• ½ teaspoon onion powder
• ¼ teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon dried chives
• 1 teaspoon sugar

For the meatballs:

• 1.5 lbs. ground chicken breast
• 1 egg
• ¼ teaspoon onion powder
• ¼ teaspoon garlic powder
• ½ teaspoon salt
• ½ teaspoon pepper
• 1 stalk celery (about ⅓ cup diced)
• ⅓ cup minced onion
• 2 Tablespoons buffalo wing sauce

You will also need:

• 17 snack crackers (about ⅔ cup crumbs)
• ¼ cup vegetable oil
• ¼ cup buffalo wing sauce
• Canola oil spray

Start with the dressing.  It needs plenty of time to sit and let all the flavors mingle.  You can even make it a day ahead if you want.  Put the mayo, yogurt, and wing sauce into a bowl. (I’m using store bought wing sauce this time because, like the rest of the country, I’m sick.  If you’re feeling up to it, homemade is always best.  You can use the recipe I used for my chicken wings.) 

Stir them together.  I like to use a small whisk to make sure it’s nice and smooth. 

Add all the herbs and spices.  I’m using dried herbs this time because… see excuse above.  If you have access to fresh parsley and chives, use them. 

Whisk again until everything is combined.  Then cover it and put it in the fridge for at least a couple hours. 

Now for the meatball mixture.  Dice the celery very finely. 

The easiest way to get small pieces of onion is to cut the peeled onion in half leaving the root end intact.  Then just cut thin slices around the onion and remove thin slices from the end. 

Next up are the crackers.  Drop them into your blender.

And a few seconds later you have crumbs. 

Now drop everything into the bowl of your mixer. 

Of course you can do this without a stand mixer.  It’ll just take a bit more work to go to this.

Ok, so it doesn’t look very pretty, but that’s ok.  It will.  For now, scoop out little roundish blobs.  Shoot for about 1 tablespoon.  Place them onto a parchment lined sheet pan.  Place them in the freezer for a couple hours or overnight.  You want them to be completely solid. 

When your balls are solid and you’re ready cook them, preheat your oven to 400°.  Then mix together ¼ cup wing sauce and ¼ cup vegetable oil.  They’ll want to be completely separate at first.

But just whisk for a bit and they’ll come together. 

Line a sheet pan with foil and lube it liberally with canola oil spray. 

Take your balls out of the freezer and drop them into ziploc bag.

Pour over the oil and wing sauce mixture. 

Inflate the bag and seal it up tight.  Then shake your balls around until everything is evenly coated.  When it is, go ahead and add the flour. 

Repeat with the inflating and shaking.  Move your coated balls to the prepared pan, shaking off any excess flour. 

Now, grab the can of lube again and spray it all over your balls.  Then pop them into the oven for 20 minutes. 

Flip them all over and put them back into the oven for an additional 15 minutes.  Then just pile your balls on a plate and serve them with toothpicks and lots of sauce for dipping.

Yet another perfect game day snack.  Or anytime really.  I mean, how often do you get to serve something to your guests and ask, “Would you like to taste one of my balls?”

What do you like to eat with toothpicks?

Sweet Emotion

It's a new year and we're Back in the Saddle and I'm Livin' on the Edge with my crock pot.

For some reason I've had one line from an Aerosmith song popping into my head for the last week. One line. One. Over and over. At all times of the day for no reason. Strangely it's somewhat appropriate to this post. I mean caramelized onions are delciously sweet in a savoury way. And you'll be Cryin'. A lot.

But they're really easy to make. Especially in a crock pot. Really, it's the perfect way. Caramelized onions require long slow heat, no crisping, and butter. Lots of butter.

Crock Pot Caramelized Onions

• 8 smallish onions
• 6 - 8 tbsp butter

No More No More. I suppose you could add a bit of Uncle Salty, but the butter is salted, and that was enough for me to Draw the Line.

Okay, okay, I'll Stop Messin Around.

Slicing the onions is the only hard part. You're going to feel totally Crazy (sorry, had to) for slicing eight onions in a row, but it's totally worth it. There are a few little things that can make life a bit easier for the 15 minutes or so it takes.

First, don't cut the onion until you absolutely have to. Peel the outer layers off by hand under running water,

and dump them into a sink full of water.

There are sulphur compounds in onions that are extreme eye irritants, but diluting them with water will minimize the effect. (Seriously, do you have any idea how many Aerosmith songs are about crying?)

Once the onion is peeled, slice a small amount off the side to make a flat side for it to sit on. You'll do less actual slicing of the onion this way than you will if you cut it in half first.

When you start slicing, toss the end in the water filled sink with the peels.

And use a wet paper towel to wipe off the knife and to cover the slices while you do other things. 

Like drop in small blobs of butter between each onion layer.

One onion, one tablespoon of butter.

Pack as many layers into the pot as you can

because the onions will reduce in volume dramatically.

If you set the heat to low, they'll need about 18 hours to get that lovely dark mohogany colour.

If you're impatient, you can use high heat and they'll only take 12. Yes, it sounds like a long time, but you get to ignore them entirely while they're in there. If you do these on the stove, you're looking at 45 to 60 minutes of standing and staring at a pan. I will happily ignore most things for 12 hours.

I imagine you're wondering why the hell I'd make a whole crock pot full of caramelized onions...

Well, for one thing, they take 12 to 18 hours to cook, and starting dinner that far in advance? Fucking hilarious. I'm lucky if I can plan dinner that far ahead.

Besides, they freeze beautifully.

And then you can have them on a steak, or as a starter for some kind of fabulous sauce, or for French onion soup on a whim.

Or, you could eat them with a spoon. They really are that good.

What's the craziest thing you've made in your crock pot?