hooker noodles!

Because if you've only got 20 minutes to make dinner, you are obviously some kind of prostitute.

If you've seen as many gangster movies as I have you know that "putta" is some kind of insult. Well, that's because it had the same root as puttana, which means bitch, or whore, in Italian. And Pasta Puttanesca, so named as "in the style of the whore" was rumoured to be called such because it could easily be made in the few minutes a woman had between clients. Yeah, well, I've only got a few minutes between work, school, and homework. (I promise I will not go into feminist rants about dichotomous representations of women as either the madonna, who apparently had hours to cook 4 course meals every night, and the whore, who obviously needed something a little faster for dinner).

Pasta Puttanesca

What You Need:

• pasta, of whatever shape you prefer
• 1/4 c of muffaletta olive salad (stored in a pickled mixed veggies jar)

(OR

• 2 tbsp olive oil
• handfull of green olives
• garlic
• onion
• marinated artichoke hearts)

And

• 1-2 c cocktail tomatoes (or 1-2 normal size roma tomatoes)
• 1/2 c crushed tomatoes (or just more fresh chopped tomatoes)
• 1 c broth or wine
• 1/2 tsp Worchestershire sauce (or fish sauce, or a couple anchovies)
• 1 tsp capers
• handful of kalamata olives
• sundried tomatoes
• 1/4 c fresh basil leaves, chiffonaded

What You Gotta Do:

Okay, I totally did this in 20 minutes. Even set the timer to prove it. (bloody impossible to see, but it says 19 minutes, honest)

Get your water on for the pasta. If you cover the pot, it will boil faster.

In the large shallow pan, (makes for faster sauces because more surface area to cook on and to lose moisture from) over medium high heat, put your olive salad,

or if you don't have olive salad in the fridge (um, why don't you have olive salad in the fridge??) you're going to have to spend a few minutes chopping the olives and garlic, onion, and artichokes. Dump them all into the pan.

Dice the tomatoes, and use your thumb to squoosh out the seeds into the sink.

You can skip the squooshing step if you're okay with tomato seeds in your sauce, but I prefer it without. (If you had to chop artichokes and olives a minute ago, skipping the squooshing will probably make up some time)

Toss the tomatoes into the pan. Olive oil and other stuff should be just starting to sizzle.

Add the wine or broth. Somehow, I managed to run out of wine, so I had to use broth. One or the other or any combination of the two would work.

Now, I'm not a fan of anchovies, but I do have fish sauce handy for making Thai and Vietnamese food... (totally missed them in the ingredient pic)

I've also got Lea&Perrins. Worchestershire sauce is actually a reasonable flavour substitute for the anchovies.

If you used all fresh tomatoes, you can skip this step. If all you had handy was half a basket of cocktail tomatoes, add the crushed tomatoes now.

Okay, so the base of out sauce is in the pan simmering, and the water is boiling. We've got 10 minutes left on the timer (that one's a bit easier to see).

Get your noodles going. You can use any kind you like, but keep in mind that angel hair and spagettini are going to cook much faster than something like a penne. If you need the extra time, a bigger shape may be in order. I hedged my bets with farfalle, a smaller shape, but with that crimp in the middle that always needs an extra couple minutes to finish.

Dice the sundried tomatoes (you could leave these out if you need to save dicing time) and black olives, and shred the basil. Dump these into the pan along with the capers.

Once everything is in and simmering, use a couple minutes to put all the jars away and tidy a bit. Check the consistency of your sauce. If it's too thin, turn the heat up a bit to bubble off some of the liquid. If it's looking too thick, you can add more wine now (just pour a bit in from that glass you've got in your hand), or broth. Or, if you used the last of your broth in the first round, a bit of the liquid from the kalamata olive jar will work.

How much time is left?

1 minute! Holy hell I did it. I totally cooked hooker noodles in less than 20 minutes.... Farfalle. Needed the extra minute to get the crimp to doneness so I stirred the sauce a little. (really, this is just a bit of food porn)

Once the pasta is finished, drain almost all the water off. Dump the pasta and that last bit of water into the sauce. The starch in the pasta water, and on the pasta, will thicken the sauce a bit and take care of that extra water.

Toss it all together and then pour it onto a plate.

Top it with some freshly grated parmesan, and if you're feeling the need for something a little more substantial, serve with a bit of sausage. Sausage is the perfect accompaniment for hooker noodles.

This made enough for dinner for one (poor lonely hooker that I am) and lunch for tomorrow (because I may not have all this time between clients to cook).

Have you ever timed yourself making dinner? What's your fastest dinner recipe?

A little foreplay goes a long way

Last week, I started my summer evening math class.

Calculus. Advanced calculus. On lovely summer evenings. As a matter of fact, yes, I am a masochist who enjoys having no life. Strangely enough though, having no life requires a lot of planning and forethought. I’ve got a tight bit of time between work and school to cook, eat, and do a bit of homework. Cause it’s not like I’m going to be doing homework at 10:30 at night after class. Yes, 10:30 at night. I love my life.

Believe it or not, I was actually smart enough to do a bit of cooking ahead on the weekend.

I made and froze a spaghetti sauce (with a few variations) that Recipe Guy likes. Some day I’ll make it again and show you the variations, not the least of which minimizes the number of dishes required (holy crap it’s tasty, but holy crap the dishes!).

The day I ate it, Wednesday, I boiled water, cooked pasta, and dumped the thawed-in-the-fridge-all-day sauce into the pot. I added a little extra cream to encourage the delicious sauciness of this dish. (wine would work too, but I’d somehow managed to run out)

I also prepared a vegan lentil and eggplant stew that requires variations of its own before I post it. On the day I ate it, Thursday, I let it thaw in the fridge, heated it in a bowl, and served it with a warmed pita bread and a couple olives.

And was running late and didn't take a pic. Dammit.

So, that was two dinners down. Friday, I don’t have class so I’m not going to worry about it, but I still had two days of cooking and eating dinner in about an hour.

One way to minimize cook time is with a crock pot. You can do all the preparation the night before, stash it in the fridge, and put it on to cook in the morning before you leave for work. The trick to this is remembering to actually turn the crock pot on.

Red beans are an awesome crock pot recipe. Yes, I made them on the stove in that version, but I’ve done them in the crock pot more than a couple times. Works just fine. And, if you make the rice on the weekend, dinner is waiting for you when you get home. Just add parsley. Yes, I like parsley.

Precooking rice also works if you’re planning a stir fry.

Stir fries are superfast cooking meals. But they are a little heavy on preparation time with all those fresh veggies to chop. But, since I was chopping the veggies for Monday’s Red Beans on Sunday, I also chopped the veggies for Tuesday’s stir fry.

Stir Fry In Advance

What you need:

In advance:

• Half an onion
• 2 cloves of garlic
• 1 small head of bok choy
• 8 mushrooms
• A handful of beansprouts
• 1-2 tsp cornstarch
• ½ c water
• 1 tbsp soy sauce
• 1 tbsp fresh chopped ginger
• ½ tsp sriracha (aka cock sauce) (optional)
• ½ tsp sugar

Um, that pic includes the red bean stuff... you'll just have to ignore those parts.

On the day you eat it:

• Peanut and sesame oils
• 1 small lean steak, like inside round or flank
• Rice that you cooked a couple days ago

What you gotta do:

In Advance:

Rinse, and chop all the veggies to the size you prefer. I like things a little smaller than bite sized. That way, I can eat a few pieces at a time, and they cook a little faster.

The beansprouts can just stay in their bag until the day you cook.

Store the chopped veggies in an air tight container or large ziplock bag.

Combine the cornstarch, water, soy, sugar and ginger in a small container or bag, and store it next to the veggies.

On the day you eat it:

Don’t forget to take the steak out of the freezer in the morning or the night before. Let it thaw in the fridge and don’t worry if it’s still a little frozen when you start cooking, it’s easier to slice steak thinly when it’s a little frozen.

When you get home from work, put a large pan or wok on the stove with a bit of peanut oil and sesame oil in it. While the oils heat over medium high, slice the steak thinly against the grain.

Takes about 2-3 minutes to slice the steak and heat the pan.

Drop the steak in the hot hot pan, the cutting board in the sink, and grab the veggies and sauce from the fridge.

The steak should only take a few minutes if the pan is big enough and hot enough, and if the steak is sliced thin enough.

So, we're at about 6 or 7 minutes now.

When it’s started to lose its pink, open the veggie container and upend the contents into the pan.

If you want these to cook a little faster, throw a tablespoon of water in with them and cover the pan.

That takes about 3 or 4 minutes.

Once the veggies are softened and the meat has lost its pink, give the sauce one last shake and dump it into the pan. Give it a stir to spread it around, add more water if necessary.

Stir in the beansprouts and put the lid on.

One minute to add and stir.

Turn off the heat and nuke your rice.

3 minutes for the rice.

You should be at about the 13-15 minute mark here.

Once the rice is warm, top it with the fast, healthy dinner that you just cooked in 15 minutes.

What's the fastest dinner you've ever made?