Leg humpingly good.

I first had hummus about 20 years ago when I'd dropped out of highschool for a year to work for Greenpeace. I was fundraising door to door, not riding Zodiacs out to whaling boats, so no, not exciting at all. But there was this great little Lebanese deli around the corner from the office and I could get a huge platter full of falafels, hummus and pita for less than 5 bucks.

Hummus is really just a bean dip. It's Mediterranean in origin, part of both Greek and various middle eastern cuisines, vegetarian (vegan even), and works as a dip for bread and veggies, or as a spread in a sandwich.

I loved the stuff. But I had no idea how to make it. And after I moved away from home I had to make do with a mix from the local whole foods store. Or from some other deli, but the texture was off, and the seasoning lacked. Nothing was as good as Cedars. I figured out the ingredients, and made it a few times myself, but it was never quite right. Something was always missing.

Until...

Him.

He promised it was tasty. He assured me it would be the best hummus I'd ever had. He said once I'd tasted it, no other hummus would ever satisfy.

I literally humped his leg the first time he put it in my mouth.

Holy crap. It's the best hummus I've ever had. Leg humpingly good hummus.

And he told me I can show it all to you.

;)

What you need:

1 19 oz tin of chick peas

3 cloves garlic

¼ c fresh, chopped parsley

½ tsp dried, ground cumin

½ tsp dried, ground coriander

¼ tsp cayenne

½ tsp salt

¼ c tahini**

3 tbsp lemon juice

½ c olive oil

**Usually found in the import or health food section of a grocery store, or at a Mediterranean or Middle Eastern market.

What you gotta do:

Drop the garlic into the food processor and give it a whirl for a few seconds to chop it up a bit. You could do this with a knife but you've already got the processor out so you may as well use it.

Drain the chick peas, don't bother rinsing them, and cover the garlic with them. Then add the parsley, cumin, coriander, cayenne and salt.

Top with tahini and lemon juice.

Start your engines! Whiz it until it's still a bit chunky. You'll know the texture is right because you'll have a dire need to add liquid to it. 

Scrape down the sides, and put the lid back on. Through the chute in the top, drizzle in the oil as the processor does it's thing. Basically, it's making an emulsion. The oil need to be whipped really fast into the lemon juice, and the tahini and speed are helping do that.

At this point you get to decide what kind of texture you want. The longer you run it, the smoother and creamier it will be.

Hummus is a regular part of a Mediterranean and Middle Eastern finger food meal called Mezze. It's usually served with tzaziki, stuffed grape leaves, meatballs, cheese, pickled veggies and pita breads. Any or all of these on a table makes a great meal or snack. (I really need servingware.)

It also works great as a veggie dip at parties, or, as an instant food to have in the fridge for when you get home from school or work starving.

Hm... There's an empty plate in that picture... what would you want on your Mezze platter to go with the Leg Humpingly Good Hummus?

No, really, I can cook! - Urban Homestead Style**

Okay, so the chocolate cake in a cup was an epic fucking fail. I don't blame myself at all. It's a crappy recipe and nothing will convince me otherwise.

So, as proof that I'm not as klutzy in the kitchen as I am in an analytical laboratory (I still hold the record for most broken thermometers in a single day) I decided to pre-empt my intended post for this week and make something a little more challenging.

Crepes.

No, not pancakes. Not even really thin pancakes. Crepes and pancakes are totally different things. Pancakes are a quickbread. They include oil and a leavener. They're flipped during cooking, and meant to be served flat, and they are almost always served for breakfast.

Crepes on the other hand are more of an egg dish. They include a relatively small amount of flour for binding purposes. They don't rise, they don't get flipped, and they are served rolled or folded. And they're dessert! Yes, I know, some people take advantage of the egg base and stuff them with savoury things like ham and asparagus and pour bernaisse sauce over them for lunch, but I prefer them sweet and fruity.

And so I give you:

Raspberry Crepes

I made them for brunch and I was a little hung over so I forgot to include all the ingredients in the ingredients pic and I miscalculated how long the cream had been in the fridge so there's no whipped cream... um...

Back to the post where I know how to cook.

What you need:

2 eggs

1 1/4 c milk

1/2 tsp vanilla

3/4 c flour

2 c raspberries

1/4 c sugar

cream cheese and / or whipped cream

icing sugar for dusting

(yes, I know there's no milk or cream cheese in the picture; part of being hungover is forgetting what ingredients you need when you're collecting everything)

What you gotta do:

Rinse the berries, and combine them and the sugar in a small pot. The little bit of water in there is just what you need. You can mash the berries yourself, or let the heat break them down. Either way, you want them over medium heat.

 

With a whisk, whip the eggs, milk and vanilla until it's frothy. (this is the point at which I remembered I needed milk; thankfully, there was some in the fridge)

Slowly add the flour, a quarter cup at a time, and whisk well after each addition.

You're looking for a perfectly smooth and creamy batter here. No lumps allowed. It should also be quite thin, more like a creamy soup or thin gravy. You want it to spread out in the pan, not sit where you drop it.

This batter was a little thick, so I added a couple tablespoons of milk.

Check on your berries. The sugar and juice should be a nice thin syrup and there should be a bit of foam and bubbles on top. If you've ever made jam, this will be looking a little familiar. If not, this is what jam looks like when it's cooking.

Heat a wide, flat, nonstick pan over medium high heat. You want that pan hot.

Using a ladel or measuring cup, scoop about 1/2 cup of batter into the hot hot pan and immediately lift it up and tilt it.

Tip it around in a circle so that the batter spreads out super thin. I'm talking an eighth of an inch or less.

They cook quickly! They'll be dry to the touch on top, and barely golden on the bottom when they're done. No, you don't need to flip them. This is eggs over fairly high heat; it doesn't take much to cook them. Genly lift the edge of the crepe with a spatula, then peel it out of the pan.

I keep the done ones on a plate in a barely warm oven (175 degrees), and I cover them with a damp towel so that they don't get crispy and curl around the edges. Crispy is not what we're going for here.

Check on your berries. They should be thickening nicely. If you're worried about them getting too thick, you can turn them down a bit. You're going for something between the consistency of syrup and jam.

When you get a bit more experienced at pouring the batter into the pan, try pouring into an already lifted and tilted pan. You can get a wider, thinner crepe that looks beautifully lacey around the edges. Not like an octopus. Oops.

Able to cook. Totally am.

Right.

Moving on.

Once you've made all 6 crepes, it's time to start assembling. Spread a tablespoon or so of the fruit onto each one, then fold into quarters.

   

 

I love cream cheese so I spread mine with about a tablespoon of it, and then folded them.

The 2 cups of berries will make enough to fill all 6, with a bit left for the top. But since mine had cream cheese in them, there was lots to go on top.

If you want to dust them with icing sugar, put a teaspoon or so in a fine sieve and gently tap it as you move around over the plate.

A lovely breakfast with a bit of OJ and some dark roast coffee.

Unlike pancakes which are supposed to be fluffy, crepes are a little more on the tender-chewy side of things. But they're not dense at all; they have a strange lightness to them that only comes from swiftly beaten eggs. The folds perfectly hide the smooth cream cheese, and the berries are tart and tangy.

There's a breakfast place in town here that makes giant ones filled with Nutella and bananas. And I have made ham and asparagus ones, I just prefer them sweeter.

What would you put in your crepes?

** re the title: Some jackasses have managed to trademarke the phrase "urban homestead" and are pissing circles around it all over the internet. Including on my friends Kelly and Erik and their book "The Urban Homestead". The Electronic Frontier Foundation is helping them and others affected by this bullshit. And a few people are flaunting the phrase by using it everywhere possible. The Dervaes Institute can kiss my ass. Fuckers.