because we always do what we're told

So our lovely winner, Angel, suggested that we make either a turkey pot pie or some kind of spaghetti with chicken. Well, we go all out around here when people give us suggestions. I mean, really, I once made cookies with garam masala in them because one of the guys at work challenged me to do it. Chicken Spaghetti? No problem.

I did have to pause when I was told that most people mean some kind of ... *cringe* casserole (gag) when they say "chicken spaghetti."

I have an undying holy hate for anything called casserole. While this kind of thing serves as comfort food for many people, memories of my mother's pasta-and-cans-of-mystery-soup dinners are things of nightmares.

I do not, and will not ever, make casseroles.

And because of this, I turned to my old standby. One cutting board, one pan, and dinner in as little time as possible.

Chicken Spaghetti

What you need:

• 2 chicken breasts
• 5 cloves of garlic
• 4 giant mushrooms
• 1 small box of spinach
• 1/3 c basil leaves
• 1-1/2 c table cream
• 1/4 c cream cheese
• 1/4 c parmesan
• 1/2 box linguine

What you gotta do:

Get a nice big pot of water on to boil. (this is the pasta equivalent of remembering to preheat the oven)

So, because I'm damn lazy, hate washing dishes and have limited cutting boards, I always chop the veggies first. Mince the garlic, slice the mushrooms, and chiffonade the basil.

Then, once those are taken care of, I use the same board for raw meat. Chicken breast cooks faster when it's thinner, and it's quite satisfying to make big loud banging noises as you shake everything on the counter with every swing. I remember my mom having a "meat mallet" and it seemed like a common tool at one time, but most utensil sets nowadays don't seem to include them.

It is a bit of a specialized item and I'm quite fond of multi-purpose items, so I use the bottom of a Pyrex measuring cup. Works just fine.

Bring a bit of butter to bubbly in a large pan.

Add the chicken breats and cook until it's just starting to brown. (um, that's pepper. I like pepper. Which reminds me: salt and pepper.)

Flip them over and give them just a couple minutes then take them out of the pan and cover them with foil. Don't worry if it's not entirely cooked all the way through. It's going to rest on a plate for a while and then go back into the pan. It'll have lots of time to finish cooking.

Dump the mushrooms and garlic into the pan. If you'd like you can add a bit more butter with them.

If your spinach is small-leafed enough, you can just toss it in as is. If the leaves are a little on the big side, you can tear or chop it before adding it. Me, I just tore it up a bit since I'd already dirtied the only cutting board I wanted to wash.

Once the spinach has wilted a bit (that takes like 2 minutes, and likely you'll be busy adding linguine to water while it happens) add the cream,

and the cream cheese.

Let this simmer for about 5 minutes over reasonably high heat. I used cream with 18% milk fat, which is less than whipping cream, but more than what typically goes into coffee. If you've got whipping cream, cut it with a bit of milk or chicken broth. The cream cheese isn't totally necessary in this, but it adds a nice bit of cheesey flavour.

When your pasta is almost done, slice your chicken breasts. Add it and the basil and grated parmesan to the pan.

Drain the pasta, leaving just a little bit of water in the bottom of the pot, then dump it all into the sauce pan.

Give this a good mix, and keep it bubbling over medium high until the sauce is the consistency you want.

I kept mine bubbling for about 3 or 4 minutes before I loaded it onto a plate and into a couple of containers for lunch tomorrow and dinner in a couple days.

So, there we go. A deconstructed Chicken Spaghetti casserole (gag) made with fresh ingredients, in about 30 minutes with as few dishes as humanly possible.

Next challenge??

hooker noodles!

Because if you've only got 20 minutes to make dinner, you are obviously some kind of prostitute.

If you've seen as many gangster movies as I have you know that "putta" is some kind of insult. Well, that's because it had the same root as puttana, which means bitch, or whore, in Italian. And Pasta Puttanesca, so named as "in the style of the whore" was rumoured to be called such because it could easily be made in the few minutes a woman had between clients. Yeah, well, I've only got a few minutes between work, school, and homework. (I promise I will not go into feminist rants about dichotomous representations of women as either the madonna, who apparently had hours to cook 4 course meals every night, and the whore, who obviously needed something a little faster for dinner).

Pasta Puttanesca

What You Need:

• pasta, of whatever shape you prefer
• 1/4 c of muffaletta olive salad (stored in a pickled mixed veggies jar)

(OR

• 2 tbsp olive oil
• handfull of green olives
• garlic
• onion
• marinated artichoke hearts)

And

• 1-2 c cocktail tomatoes (or 1-2 normal size roma tomatoes)
• 1/2 c crushed tomatoes (or just more fresh chopped tomatoes)
• 1 c broth or wine
• 1/2 tsp Worchestershire sauce (or fish sauce, or a couple anchovies)
• 1 tsp capers
• handful of kalamata olives
• sundried tomatoes
• 1/4 c fresh basil leaves, chiffonaded

What You Gotta Do:

Okay, I totally did this in 20 minutes. Even set the timer to prove it. (bloody impossible to see, but it says 19 minutes, honest)

Get your water on for the pasta. If you cover the pot, it will boil faster.

In the large shallow pan, (makes for faster sauces because more surface area to cook on and to lose moisture from) over medium high heat, put your olive salad,

or if you don't have olive salad in the fridge (um, why don't you have olive salad in the fridge??) you're going to have to spend a few minutes chopping the olives and garlic, onion, and artichokes. Dump them all into the pan.

Dice the tomatoes, and use your thumb to squoosh out the seeds into the sink.

You can skip the squooshing step if you're okay with tomato seeds in your sauce, but I prefer it without. (If you had to chop artichokes and olives a minute ago, skipping the squooshing will probably make up some time)

Toss the tomatoes into the pan. Olive oil and other stuff should be just starting to sizzle.

Add the wine or broth. Somehow, I managed to run out of wine, so I had to use broth. One or the other or any combination of the two would work.

Now, I'm not a fan of anchovies, but I do have fish sauce handy for making Thai and Vietnamese food... (totally missed them in the ingredient pic)

I've also got Lea&Perrins. Worchestershire sauce is actually a reasonable flavour substitute for the anchovies.

If you used all fresh tomatoes, you can skip this step. If all you had handy was half a basket of cocktail tomatoes, add the crushed tomatoes now.

Okay, so the base of out sauce is in the pan simmering, and the water is boiling. We've got 10 minutes left on the timer (that one's a bit easier to see).

Get your noodles going. You can use any kind you like, but keep in mind that angel hair and spagettini are going to cook much faster than something like a penne. If you need the extra time, a bigger shape may be in order. I hedged my bets with farfalle, a smaller shape, but with that crimp in the middle that always needs an extra couple minutes to finish.

Dice the sundried tomatoes (you could leave these out if you need to save dicing time) and black olives, and shred the basil. Dump these into the pan along with the capers.

Once everything is in and simmering, use a couple minutes to put all the jars away and tidy a bit. Check the consistency of your sauce. If it's too thin, turn the heat up a bit to bubble off some of the liquid. If it's looking too thick, you can add more wine now (just pour a bit in from that glass you've got in your hand), or broth. Or, if you used the last of your broth in the first round, a bit of the liquid from the kalamata olive jar will work.

How much time is left?

1 minute! Holy hell I did it. I totally cooked hooker noodles in less than 20 minutes.... Farfalle. Needed the extra minute to get the crimp to doneness so I stirred the sauce a little. (really, this is just a bit of food porn)

Once the pasta is finished, drain almost all the water off. Dump the pasta and that last bit of water into the sauce. The starch in the pasta water, and on the pasta, will thicken the sauce a bit and take care of that extra water.

Toss it all together and then pour it onto a plate.

Top it with some freshly grated parmesan, and if you're feeling the need for something a little more substantial, serve with a bit of sausage. Sausage is the perfect accompaniment for hooker noodles.

This made enough for dinner for one (poor lonely hooker that I am) and lunch for tomorrow (because I may not have all this time between clients to cook).

Have you ever timed yourself making dinner? What's your fastest dinner recipe?